I'm Back

Well, after 5 long years I am back to writing my blog.

I enjoyed reading whatever I have written in this blog, so I am kinda motivated to write more.

Let's see if I keep up with it.

:)

Because I am not a dog...

I will wake up each day...
...and then wonder how to make it meaningful.

I will fight for my bread...
...and then not have time to eat it.

I will love someone...
...when I want and as I want.

And expect to be loved back...
...when I want and as I want.

I will bite someone...
...but never in their presence.

I will guard my territory...
...though never really define it.

I will really want someone to hug me...
...but not go over and ask fot it.

Words.

I think that the more words a person knows the better thinker the person is. The justification is simple, each word in reality is a thought. First came the thought then a need to express that thought and hence the word came into existence. So more words you know, the more thoughts you have pondered over - whether agreed on or not, but definitely thought over.

Another observation that I was told by my English language teacher when she was teaching us synonyms was that no two words have same meaning. They can have similar meaning, but not same.

It's interesting how we can analyze a situation, feeling or problem, simply by putting correct words in place. For example...

Do you miss someone or remember?

Do you respect someone or obey?

Do you love someone or are you in love with someone?

Is this your wish, dream or goal?

Are you living or are you alive?

Do you have a passion or an obsession?

Do you live in the future or for the future?

Do you die for something that motivates you or because of something that provokes you?

This is indeed a simple observation, and an obvious one too... But it fascinates me none-the-less.

:)


added on 14.08.09

I just happened to flip through pages of The Fountainhead. A book which I have read twice and would read again soon now, but still won't call it my favourite book, coz of reasons I can't explain.

Anyways, coming to the point, I came to Pg 642 in the edition I have, here Ayn Rand writes...

The pressure disappeared with the first word he[Gail Wynand] put on paper. He thought - while his hand moved rapidly - what a power there was in words; later, for those who heard them, but first for the one who found them; a healing power, a solution, like the breaking of a barrier. He thought, perhaps the basic secret the scientists have never discovered, the first fount of life, is that which happens when a thought takes shape in words...


I just had to note this down here.

Run!!

Run.
Run fast.
Run hard.
Stretch yourself.
Push hard.
Keep running.
This is what your purpose in life is.
Run.
Give it all that you have.
So what if you are actually running in circles and not going anywhere.
You are supposed to run, not think.
If you'll waste time in thinking, others will get ahead of you.
Run.
Focus on the track not on anything else.
This is what you are born for.
Run.
You have heard the gun shot.
You have heard the crowd cheer.
They all expect you to run.
You expect yourself to run.
That's the only thing you know.
Run.
Don't stop.
This is all that is to life.
You stop, you die.
Or maybe worse, you'll live but won't be alive.
Your run defines you.
So, run.
Now is the time to run, you can think later.
Stop!

Don't run until you want to.

Think.

Breathe.

Know where you are going.

Are you going where you want to be?
Are you going anywhere?

Is this the track you chose to be on?
Are these the people you chose to compete with?

Where are you coming from?
Where are you heading?

Do you have your answers?
Search them.

What's your truth?

What's your point?

What's the point you want to make?

Breathe.

Run.
With all your 'heart'.

Strength diminishes eventually.
Let your heart fuel you.

And heart needs conviction.
And conviction belongs to those who think.

Think.
Think now.
Think before it's too late.

Then run, like you have never run before.
And yes, don't forget to breathe.

This Morning..

The deep silence of the sea,
The occasional waves on the surface,
The birds flying high and low,
And my intimacy with nature.

The dull blue color of the sky,
The greens of grass and the trees,
The muddy brown under my feet,
And the colorless air that I breathe.

The memories of the by-gone days,
The promises of the future,
The dreams & wishes & deadlines,
And I'm flirting with the present.

"The Moment"

Had written this poem on 4th may 2006..
a day after my birthday in my last year of college..
it was a day i'll never forget.. but i had forgotten this poem..
thanks anand for reminding me..

************************************************************
Its a poem but i don't think it sounds like one..

************************************************************
He came as a proof that I am still alive..
But he wanted to leave as soon as he came.

I asked him why he had to go?
He said that was the purpose of his life.

He knew he would never come back..
And if he went he would surely die.

I told him I would die too...
But he couldn't listen (or maybe he ignored).

I tried to catch him and hold him forever...
But he never came in my hand.

I shrieked "Stop!!", begged on my knees and cried like a baby..
But he took a step forward..and "the moment" passed away.

Then came the next and many more..
But it was not the same and will never be.

I looked around and found my moment..
It's just that it had become a memory.

************************************************************************************

Brida

'I don't know how to continue,' said Brida. Her eyes were beginning to fill with tears.

'What are you good at?' asked the owner.

'Going after what I believe in.' That was the only possible reply; she spent her life in pursuit of what she believed in. The only problem was that she believed in something different every day.

When I close my eyes...

Why do I need to be honest with myself?
Why do I have to know my weaknesses?
Why can't I hide myself from myself?
Why do I have to believe that I can succeed?

Its suffocating sometimes.

----
"Life, I believe, is not a country club where we forget the difficulties and anxieties. Life is the duty of confronting all of that within ourselves"
- Jerry Maguire
----

I can stand up against the world... thats easy..
Why do I have to stand up against the part of me which keeps telling me that I won't be able to make it??
Why do I have hope?? I have it. Yes. But why??

zindagi..

aankhon mein aansoo hote hue bhi muskuraya hai maine.
ae zindagi har pal tera saath nibhaya hai maine.
meri har khwahish se muh moda tune.
mera dil har baar toda tune.
is dil ke tukdon ko sambhaala hai maine.
ae zindagi har pal tera saath nibhaya hai maine.

subah ki tamanna ko tu ne shaam di.
jahan dhoop ki chah thi wahan barsaat di.
mera har rasta badalwaya tune.
mere har hausale ko aazmaya tune.
phir bhi har kadam aage badhaya hai maine.
ae zindagi har pal tera saath nibhaya hai maine.

aaj..
aaj tu mujhe chhod ke ja rahi hai?
meri rukti hui saanso mein muskura rahi hai?
jo bhi hai tu, mujhe teri aadat ho gayi.
tere nakhron ki, dikaton ki chahat ho gayi.
aur aaj jab mein palat ke dekhti hun..
ae zindagi har pal mujhe sawara tha tune.

For the record..

I am writing after a long long time.. to say i didn't get time won't be wrong but nor would it be right.. so let that be.

What I am here to say is that i have quit from my amazing studio mentioned in my previous post. I quit exactly two months back, after working there for an year. A lot has happened in this one year. I am not going in details of that- no point. All i want to say is i have quit. I have quit the place i was sooooo excited to join just an year back. Such is life. And I like it this way. No certainties. No securities. Just the thrill. Just the risk. I am having my adventure. I am making my road... in fact i ain't making any road... I am just walking.. I don't care if it leads me anywhere or not. I don't care if I am being followed or not. I am walking and enjoying my walk.

Thats all i want to say now. For the record.

A week to remember..

February 26th to March 2nd was the most amazing week of my life.
Reasons...

1. First time in my life i went to office(studio).(though just as a trainee.. but still!!)
2. I lived my dream of being a part of vfx industry. (Something i had been waiting for past 6years atleast.)
3. I didn't go to just any studio.. but to one of the best studios of the country!!!
4. I met/worked with/learned from people who have worked on various awesome ads, many of which i had admired when i had first seen them.
5. Those who ve been doing great work in the industry..
a.. Saw my work!!
b.. Liked it!! [ few even said "Good.." :) :) :) ]

I took this weekend off (tho i didn't want to but since its holi, roads do get a bit unsafe).. and i missed being in my studio... 'my' studio!!! :)

I don't know what future holds.. maybe i get to live many more amazing weeks.. n maybe not.. but this week will always remain special... n nothing can take away the wonderful memories of this week.

A poem..

In my tenth standard we had a poem by Ogden Nash, "This Is Going To Hurt Just A Little Bit".. A very interesting poem. As an excersise we were supposed to write a poem.. Here's what I wrote.. one of the very rare occassions when i managed to get a good.. :) ..

(Mrs Bakshi is the name of the principal of my school)

"Life's Like That.."

Date tenth, month July,
It was very hot, I'll not lie.
There was an announcement in assembly,
That Mrs Bakshi wanted to see me.
Shock for me 'n' others too,
Their stares, glares, 'hmmm's n 'hooo's.
'Forgive me or I shall die',
These were the words I must cry.
Knocking the door, "Ma'am you wanted to see me?",
(Please say no, your yes shall kill me).
'Yes, yes, come in my dear',
Was I still alive or dead with fear?
'You've topped in the board exams, congratulations for that.'
Instead of slap she gave me a pat.
Keep it up she quoted,
Up in seventh sky I floated.

..........

I know its simple n silly.. but i love it.. :)

Resonance.

This word has many meanings in english. I came across this word first time in my physics class. "The increase in amplitude of oscillation of an electric or mechanical system exposed to a periodic force whose frequency is equal or very close to the natural undamped frequency of the system" In short, when a body is vibrated at its natural frequency it does so with infinite amplitude. We had this experiment, a wire used to be tied on a hollow box, and a small piece of paper was kept on the wire. Using a tuning fork we used to make the wire vibrate. At a particular length of the wire, the frequency of the tuning fork and the natural frequency of the wire matched.. the wire used to vibrate so hard that the paper used to fall off the wire.

There are times when we surprise ourselves with our energy level. I think thats the time we 'resonate'. Its the time when what we think, what we want/desire, what we believe and what we do all have same frequency, when our thoughts and actions match. Its the time when our natural (undamped :) ) self is in sync with our external self.. Perhaps our soul is in sync with our body..

I know the idea is weird and geeky... and i don't know whether anyone will grasp it at all. But its something i have observed in me and my friends.

On Hope..

Paulo Coelho in his book "Like The Flowing River" on page 31 writes...

.... I cannot lose the one thing that keeps me alive: hope - that word treated with such irony by pseudo-intellectuals, who consider it synonym of 'deceit'. That word, so manipulated by governments, who make promises they know they will not keep, and thus inflict even more wounds on people's hearts. That word that so often rises with us in the morning, gets sorely wounded as the day progresses, dies at nightfall, and is reborn with the new day.

Yes, there is a saying that states that 'You cannot argue with force'; but there is another saying: 'Where there's life, there's hope.' And I hang on to that saying....

Shaken..

On the night of Decmeber 23th, 2006 at around 4am there was an earthquake (3.5 on Richter's Scale) in Jaipur. I was fast asleep and this tremor woke me up. I think there were two of them. One that woke me up, and another that I actually felt. I had never had such an experience before. While the earth shook.. the first thought that came to me was that of my geography class.. I remembered something about some plates rubbing each other.. The tremor was short, and everything was silent after it. It was the natural silence of the night, but somehow it became noticeable. Then the phones of the intercom started ringing(my grandmother got really scared and woke up my parents and my mom's hospital staff who were unaware of the earthquake). I think those rings comforted me abit. I don't know whether I was scared or not. I was just reluctant to move my 2kg quilt and get out of my comfortable warm bed. I decided I'll do something if I experience another tremor. So I waited.

It was during this waiting time, I thought, about the earthquake in Bhuj, that too was early in the morning. There have been various other earthquakes around the world, but thats the one I remember. I remembered the kids who were in a small lane in a Republic day rally and buildings collapsed on them. I thought of those who died while they were in their warm comfortable beds. Then I imagined(thats one disadvantage of having somewhat good imagination.. u start imagining..).. i imagined what i will do if there is another tremor and a more severe one.. i couldn't decide what i shud do.. stand at the corner in my room.. or run outside n risk taking the steps.. i imagined that i wud stand outside on road n watch my house collapse.. i imagined that if we couldn't make it out.. we wud make it to the newspapers.. the family who was preparing for a party on 24th.. i tried to keep my thoughts positive.. but couldn't.. I became sad.. told God that i didn't want to die.. I wanted to live n not end my life so tragically n suddenly.. told Him that it won't be fair.. Then i don't know why and how.. maybe i was tired of waiting n maybe too sleepy.. I told God that it was ok if he killed me then, told Him that I ve had a wonderful life, and thats what is important. I told Him to take the decision fast.. n then i think i dozed off..

When i woke up in the morning.... the first thing i did was to thank God for letting me live another day... Consciously i do that quite a few times, it was first time i did it sub-consciously.. There was no mention of the earthquake in the newspapers.. I think 4am was a li'l late for printing it.. When i checked online i got to know that there were no casualties, but loads of scared people.. I was glad that I didn't make it to the newspaper.. We had thrown a party in the evening.. I don't really like gatherings.. But i was really glad meeting all my relatives... I was glad meeting anyone and everyone.

Its not that my life has changed dramatically after that.. I m the same person with same ambitions.. I just wanted to put down the strangest night of my life so far... The night when i was shaken both literally and emotionally.